By Shalany Balakrishnan
Every morning, I give a good hard look at myself in the mirror. I try to count the number of pimple scars, spots or anything abnormal which wasn’t there the day before. Next, I contemplate if I should use a concealer or a blusher to hide the marks away. It’s a routine I follow religiously since I started working which eats up at least 15 minutes of my time daily. The next 20 minutes is spent on just choosing what clothes I should wear which I’d be comfortable in for the next 10 hours or so. Not forgetting the matching earrings and shoes to go along with the outfit !
I’m definitely not the only one who has this daily routine,(some of you reading must be nodding in approval! ). Why I follow this routine although it’s so time consuming I could probably finish watching a whole episode of Dexter instead? Simple, just to be comfortable in my own skin and feel good about myself.
I don’t have a calendar girl body to walk around in skimpy clothes, but I do try my best to flaunt my God-given-natural-curves. I grew up being a skinny kid but thanks to puberty and some screwed up hormones, I started gaining weight faster than you can say SNAP! I blamed everything and anything for my weight issues except myself. I started wearing baggy t-shirts and jeans and thus began my ‘oh-I’m-so-fat-and-ugly’ days. It took me 5 whole years to get over it and start embracing ME, MYSELF AND I.
How I got enlightened, you may ask, well here’s the story……………
I was close friends with one of the hottest girls in school, naturally the love letters, proposals and stares came as frequent as blinking. Eventually, I became used to all the superstar fame, I felt like a diva myself sometimes. On Valentines’, she receives gifts from cheezy greeting cards to Godiva chocolates, and obviously the chocolates ‘disappears’ rather quickly.
Although she was one of the most mature and logical person I knew, love overthrew her judgment and she was madly in love with someone who was a complete jerk. She chose him from her string of choices despite all the negative comments and crappy behavior of his. Predictably, the rocky relationship lasted less than a year and my friend was devastated. Nothing could console her except tubs of chocolate ice-cream and B-grade movies. She cried herself to sleep almost every night and it came to a point that there was nothing I could do anymore.
I left to further my studies and months later coming back, I met a totally different person in my friend! She had gained so much weight; she was hardly recognizable as her face had become so chubby. She was no more the charming, feminine and confident person I knew before. She became a social recluse because of the weight gain, avoiding any functions or gatherings and even mamak sessions with the girls. I was heartbroken for her and I tried everything I could possibly think of to help her. She was still wallowing in self pity and refused to help herself to pick up the pieces.
That was when I decided to change myself emotionally and physically. I was determined to not end up like my friend in any circumstances. I took baby steps, from losing some weight, learning how to apply eyeliner to finding perfect fitting jeans. I got rid of all my oversized clothes despite the emotional attachment I had with my clothes. I followed my sister on her shopping spree days, occasionally badly needing a foot massage after that as well.
Change felt good. I felt good about myself although there is still a lot of room for improvement. I felt like a lady, embracing every ounce of feminity in me. Instantly, my personality changed as well. I was no more the sulky and moody person (except during the ‘time of the month’). I felt my ‘happy cells’ increasing and I smiled and laughed more.
I guess the desire to change comes in many different ways.
I guess the desire to change comes in many different ways.
I found mine, how about you?
This open article is written by,
Shalany Balakrishnan
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